Balay Mindanaw Foundation, Inc.

Kaangayan, Kalambuan, Kalinaw ... sa Mindanaw, sa Pilipinas, sa Kalibutan

Strengthening the fabric of society
By Marc Eliemel Tagub
Posted 13 August 2010

[This is among the articles that will be part of a book Balay Mindanaw is launching soon. “Lawig Kalinaw” will contain peacebuilding stories from the communities.]

	The Queroyla family at their home in Kinoguitan. Photo: Bobby Timonera

Finding inner peace is difficult for somebody who had little time to enjoy his childhood and spent most of his adolescence picking up a fight. But at 38 years old., Lino Queroyla is well on his way.

Lino grew up in the hinterlands of Kinoguitan. At a very young age, he had to help out in the farm so that his family would have food on the table. He’d walk the long road to school and make sure he was back home very quickly after class so he could help his family with the chores.

While other boys his age were thinking of games and fun, Lino wanted to become a priest to be of service to his community by preaching about God.

But thoughts of God must have been quickly dispelled from his mind when his mother would frequently leave him with his grandmother. Feeling abandoned and unwanted, he wanted to strike back.

In high school, Lino became the school bully and hang out with bad company. He’d stay out late, preferring the company of his friends than that of his family. He was more frequent at the baylehan than at home studying.

Despite his attitude towards school, he was still able to finish high school and wanted to go on to college. But this was way beyond their means so Lino stayed in the farm and married at the age of 23. He and his wife Elsa had five children -- Den Mark,17; John Mark, 14; Risa, 9; Joan Kate, 7; and Liezel, 4

Like a vicious cycle of recurring nightmares, Lino would hit his children at the slightest misdeed. “I just couldn’t stop myself,” he says. Den Mark, his eldest son, got the brunt of his temper.

Den Mark is unusually shy. In the company of strangers, like his father’s visitors, he keeps his head down, his eyes wandering from one part of the floor to another, and remains silent. It took a while to make him answer why as a young boy, he often got berated by his father: “I kept playing marbles with my friends without keeping track of the time.”

Elsa, however, has noticed changes in Lino these past few years. She shares that her husband and their eldest son do not quarrel as much as they used to. It has been a long time since Lino last scolded his eldest son. This despite the fact that Den Mark has started playing billiards and still comes home late at night every now and then.

The Queroyla kids and friends. Photo: Bobby Timonera

Lino now has more patience with the kids. Very rarely, Lino still scolds his children. And when he does, he usually ends up crying, Elsa says. The following day, when his head is cooler, he would take time to explain to them why he scolded them.

What could have brought about this change?

Lino’s journey to inner peace may have started with the peace building seminars he attended.

Elsa believes Lino learned a lot from these seminars. Elsa noticed that since he attended these, he would no longer get fired up and be physically violent with his children, especially with Den Mark. “He has realized that there’s a peaceful way to deal with conflicts.”

“We can’t avoid conflicts in the family,” Lino acknowledges. Having learned that “families are like fabrics of society,” he has personally subscribed to the principle that “when you strengthen your family with peace, rest assured that society will be more likely to be at peace.”

Finding inner peace is an uphill struggle which gets easier with practice. For Lino, the journey has just started but he is striving to do his best to make sure that he changes and becomes a better man. He wants to be a good example to his community and, most of all, to his children.